Work has been extremely hectic and creating a lot of stress for me lately. We have a girl there right now that doesn't function at a high level and is always being restrained it seems. She has assaulted staff members, spit on them, thrown fits, etc. Tonight at work she was restrained twice and was in leather restraints for over five hours. She's been with us for the majority of eight months. It is so frustrating that they have not been able to move on her case and it seems it could be at least a few more weeks before anything is done. I hope she is kicked out of detention soon enough, because I have been dreading going to work and having to deal with her, as I am sure my coworkers have too.
Sammie got a promotion at work. Casey, the guy that was in charge of the evening reporting center got recalled in the military and has to go to Iraq for a year. As a result, Mike got promoted to Casey's spot and Sammie got promoted to a 4-12 deputy juvenile officer. The jury is still out on how I really feel about this. On the one hand it's a great opportunity for Sammie and I am happy for her, but on the other, I am afraid her supervisory role could change our friendship. We haven't been hanging out as much as we used to, and I just hope with her promotion it won't make us hanging out obsolete. I guess time will tell.
I've realized in the last few days that my dad and I have only talked on the phone with each other twice since I came out to them at the end of May. It's starting to weigh on me as we used to talk every week to every two weeks. I love my dad and I know he loves me too, but I wish things didn't change and that my parents weren't creating a distance between us. I'm the same person, my parents just know more about me now. I know they wanted me to grow up to have a wife and children, as that is what I wanted for myself too, but my mind and body say differently. I would wish this gay away the first opportunity I was given if I could, but I can't. I met with a PFLAG lady at St. Louis Pride and I am tempted to send my parents some PFLAG information, but I don't know if it would be unwarranted, or how my parents would respond to it. I've also thought about sending them a letter to express my feelings, but I don't know how good of an idea that is either. I want to bring us closer together and not create a rift between us.
I hope in time my parents will realize the error of their ways and come around.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
StL Pridefest and the 4th of July
As always, I'm running a little behind on my blog entries... but what else is new? Last weekend, three of my friends and I met in St. Louis and went to Pridefest in St. Louis. After some very stressful and conflicts with friends, it finally happened. It was my first Pridefest, and I was very excited, not knowing what to expect. Although I was a bit disappointed, I still had the time of my life.
On Friday night, Barry, Patrick, Jessica and I met up with Jody and Tyler, two friends from St. Charles to go to the Cardinals game. The game was a lot of fun, but the Cardinals ended up losing 3-1. It was my first loss to see in the new Busch Stadium. The loss was a bit harder, because I have a few friends that are Twins fans and they of course had to rub it in that the Cardinals lost.
Barry, Patrick, Jessica and I went out to a gay club called Attitudes in St. Louis off of Manchester. My only other experience in a gay club was at Martha's in Springfield, where I tend to go out with friends. The culture of Attitudes was significantly different from Martha's. The atmosphere at Attitudes was that of a club in an inner city. We were even lucky enough to see a fight break out right in front of us. While at Attitudes, I ran into a guy I went to high school with. It had been about a year and a half since I had seen him at Martha's. We didn't say much to each other, but we said hi... a club isn't really the best place to catch up with someone.
After Attitudes, we went to Hardees for a late night snack. As we waited for our food, we looked at the Hardees and saw a bullet hole in the glass. That was very comforting to see as it was right across the street from our hotel.
On Saturday, we went to Pridefest. I thought Pridefest was going to be more of games, different entertainment venues, etc. It ended up just being a bunch of businesses and services advertising as well as a lot of little stands selling gay pride merchandise. The day was scorching hot. I'm still not exactly sure of what the temperature was, but I read an article that said it was well over 100 with heat indices over 110. After walking around the park a couple times and buying a few things each of us wanted, Jessica and I found a bench in the shade and people watched for a couple hours before we had to leave to meet up with my sister. I ran into a guy I had met down in Springfield a few months before and his friends. We talked for a few minutes before they went on their way.
One thing that really caught mine and Jessica's eyes were the anti-gay Christian group members trying to convert the unsaved, which was anyone that is gay in their eyes. When I saw them, I realized I had talked to one of the members earlier in the day. I didn't realize they were part of the anti-gay group. Although I consider myself an agnostic and currently don't believe in a God, I made the guy think I did just so I could go on my way. I don't think he was very pushy with me because he couldn't tell whether I am gay or straight. I got a kick out of the people that would tell them off on occasion. It's people like those church members that turn people away from God instead of helping them.
Jessica and I went to St. Charles to have dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. I came out to my sister in May over the phone. This was going to be the first time I saw her since I talked to her on the phone, and the first time I had seen her in six months. We hung out for about an hour or so before parting ways. Jessica and I got back to the hotel and took a nap while Barry and Patrick got themselves dinner. While I was asleep, Alfredo, the guy I had met earlier in the day from Springfield called me and wanted to meet up with me later that night.
We ended up going to a gay club called Just Johns. Although the club was extremely crowded, it was a lot of fun. They had three guys representing Broke Straight Boys and a drag queen for entertainment. The guys stripped on stage, did various contests against each other and had a dance off. The dance was very entertaining to say the least. The drag queen said that Alec, one of the porn stars needed a nelly boy to dance with. They chose Barry. The winner would get a $30 bar tab, and spend time downstairs in the VIP room with the Broke Straight Boys. Of course, Patrick had left with one of his friends during the dance. Barry ended up winning the X-rated dance that had Jessica and I rolling on the floor. I was happy, it got me a few free drinks. As Barry was downstairs with the boys, my worst fear came true; Patrick came back. He asked where Barry was, and I told him the truth. That created drama in itself, but we all smoothed it over and it worked out in the end. The night was great, but three of the four of us ended up puking that night.
I woke up Sunday morning, still drunk. I hate when that happens. We checked out of the hotel and headed to the gay pride parade. It was the second event I was really looking forward to that weekend. We parked our cars and watched the pride parade. It actually wasn't overly sexualized like I thought, but I still stand behind my opinion that the parade has lost its roots in the Stonewall riots that happened 40 years ago.
Continuing on the point of the anti-gay church at the park the day before, there were several anti-gay groups protesting more vocally at the parade. The guy near us kept yelling we were all going to be thrown into the lake of fire and there was nothing to be proud of, but everything to be ashamed of. It was truly a sad moment. It is so hard for me to grasp how these people feel they are doing God's will, or doing what the Bible says. Last I remember the Bible talks about love. Telling us we are going to Hell is no way of trying to save a person's soul. These people are the epitomy of why I am an agnostic. They hurt their cause much better than they help it, and work in direct contradiction of the Bible.
After the pride parade, Jessica and I waited to see Sandra Bernhard, the comedianne and singer from the 90's tv show, Roseanne.... one of my favorites. She was entertaining to watch. After she performed, Jessica and I headed back to Springfield.
On the 4th of July, my friends Jody and Tyler came down from St. Charles. We went to the Branson Landing, where I bought my 60th shot glass. We ate dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, which ended up making me extremely sick, because I recently got diagnosed with lactose intolerance. The crabcakes I had were loaded with butter, but was amazingly good and well worth it.
After dinner, we headed towards Chateau on the Lake off of Table Rock Lake in Branson where we watched fireworks. We didn't quite make it, as people were parked in the street watching the fireworks. I didn't mind as we ended up getting to see the fireworks. Although I had never seen that event before, it seemed less than a normal fireworks show. I guess the economic times called for cutbacks in the amount of fireworks. It was still great to see though. I was a tad upset, because Firefall, a Springfield tradition was cancelled this year because of economic hardships. The event I usually go to, 'I love America' put on by James River Assemblies of God was the night before, which made me a bit mad... it's the 4th of July, not the 3rd! It was my first year not going there since moving down here in 2005.
I had a great weekend, although I'm not really looking forward to going back to work. Only a little over a week left before vacation though!
On Friday night, Barry, Patrick, Jessica and I met up with Jody and Tyler, two friends from St. Charles to go to the Cardinals game. The game was a lot of fun, but the Cardinals ended up losing 3-1. It was my first loss to see in the new Busch Stadium. The loss was a bit harder, because I have a few friends that are Twins fans and they of course had to rub it in that the Cardinals lost.
Barry, Patrick, Jessica and I went out to a gay club called Attitudes in St. Louis off of Manchester. My only other experience in a gay club was at Martha's in Springfield, where I tend to go out with friends. The culture of Attitudes was significantly different from Martha's. The atmosphere at Attitudes was that of a club in an inner city. We were even lucky enough to see a fight break out right in front of us. While at Attitudes, I ran into a guy I went to high school with. It had been about a year and a half since I had seen him at Martha's. We didn't say much to each other, but we said hi... a club isn't really the best place to catch up with someone.
After Attitudes, we went to Hardees for a late night snack. As we waited for our food, we looked at the Hardees and saw a bullet hole in the glass. That was very comforting to see as it was right across the street from our hotel.
On Saturday, we went to Pridefest. I thought Pridefest was going to be more of games, different entertainment venues, etc. It ended up just being a bunch of businesses and services advertising as well as a lot of little stands selling gay pride merchandise. The day was scorching hot. I'm still not exactly sure of what the temperature was, but I read an article that said it was well over 100 with heat indices over 110. After walking around the park a couple times and buying a few things each of us wanted, Jessica and I found a bench in the shade and people watched for a couple hours before we had to leave to meet up with my sister. I ran into a guy I had met down in Springfield a few months before and his friends. We talked for a few minutes before they went on their way.
One thing that really caught mine and Jessica's eyes were the anti-gay Christian group members trying to convert the unsaved, which was anyone that is gay in their eyes. When I saw them, I realized I had talked to one of the members earlier in the day. I didn't realize they were part of the anti-gay group. Although I consider myself an agnostic and currently don't believe in a God, I made the guy think I did just so I could go on my way. I don't think he was very pushy with me because he couldn't tell whether I am gay or straight. I got a kick out of the people that would tell them off on occasion. It's people like those church members that turn people away from God instead of helping them.
Jessica and I went to St. Charles to have dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. I came out to my sister in May over the phone. This was going to be the first time I saw her since I talked to her on the phone, and the first time I had seen her in six months. We hung out for about an hour or so before parting ways. Jessica and I got back to the hotel and took a nap while Barry and Patrick got themselves dinner. While I was asleep, Alfredo, the guy I had met earlier in the day from Springfield called me and wanted to meet up with me later that night.
We ended up going to a gay club called Just Johns. Although the club was extremely crowded, it was a lot of fun. They had three guys representing Broke Straight Boys and a drag queen for entertainment. The guys stripped on stage, did various contests against each other and had a dance off. The dance was very entertaining to say the least. The drag queen said that Alec, one of the porn stars needed a nelly boy to dance with. They chose Barry. The winner would get a $30 bar tab, and spend time downstairs in the VIP room with the Broke Straight Boys. Of course, Patrick had left with one of his friends during the dance. Barry ended up winning the X-rated dance that had Jessica and I rolling on the floor. I was happy, it got me a few free drinks. As Barry was downstairs with the boys, my worst fear came true; Patrick came back. He asked where Barry was, and I told him the truth. That created drama in itself, but we all smoothed it over and it worked out in the end. The night was great, but three of the four of us ended up puking that night.
I woke up Sunday morning, still drunk. I hate when that happens. We checked out of the hotel and headed to the gay pride parade. It was the second event I was really looking forward to that weekend. We parked our cars and watched the pride parade. It actually wasn't overly sexualized like I thought, but I still stand behind my opinion that the parade has lost its roots in the Stonewall riots that happened 40 years ago.
Continuing on the point of the anti-gay church at the park the day before, there were several anti-gay groups protesting more vocally at the parade. The guy near us kept yelling we were all going to be thrown into the lake of fire and there was nothing to be proud of, but everything to be ashamed of. It was truly a sad moment. It is so hard for me to grasp how these people feel they are doing God's will, or doing what the Bible says. Last I remember the Bible talks about love. Telling us we are going to Hell is no way of trying to save a person's soul. These people are the epitomy of why I am an agnostic. They hurt their cause much better than they help it, and work in direct contradiction of the Bible.
After the pride parade, Jessica and I waited to see Sandra Bernhard, the comedianne and singer from the 90's tv show, Roseanne.... one of my favorites. She was entertaining to watch. After she performed, Jessica and I headed back to Springfield.
On the 4th of July, my friends Jody and Tyler came down from St. Charles. We went to the Branson Landing, where I bought my 60th shot glass. We ate dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, which ended up making me extremely sick, because I recently got diagnosed with lactose intolerance. The crabcakes I had were loaded with butter, but was amazingly good and well worth it.
After dinner, we headed towards Chateau on the Lake off of Table Rock Lake in Branson where we watched fireworks. We didn't quite make it, as people were parked in the street watching the fireworks. I didn't mind as we ended up getting to see the fireworks. Although I had never seen that event before, it seemed less than a normal fireworks show. I guess the economic times called for cutbacks in the amount of fireworks. It was still great to see though. I was a tad upset, because Firefall, a Springfield tradition was cancelled this year because of economic hardships. The event I usually go to, 'I love America' put on by James River Assemblies of God was the night before, which made me a bit mad... it's the 4th of July, not the 3rd! It was my first year not going there since moving down here in 2005.
I had a great weekend, although I'm not really looking forward to going back to work. Only a little over a week left before vacation though!
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