Mediation

There's always two sides to a story; but what do you do when the two sides are on completely different sides of the spectrum. That is the problem we have run into with what occurred on February 16.

When I was talking with Marie and Will about what happened on the 16th on Friday, I was dumbfounded at the blatant lies Sallied told Marie in an effort to get me in trouble. She told Marie she went to talk to this resident. She closed the door and began talking with the resident. The resident became aggressive, stepped towards her, that she called for me, I didn't respond. Sammie banged on the window, I didn't hear it. She yelled and banged again, I still didn't respond, so she started kicking the Control Room door but I still didn't hear it. She basically told Marie and Will that I was too busy paying attention to the computer to hear her. I told them her version was a bunch of bullshit, which it is. I am confident enough in myself to know I am probably one of the more attentive staff members. I would have heard the first knock had she knocked at all. I don't buy the story at all and think she is attempting to create drama and get me in trouble for no reason. Just writing this angers me. Of course the valid question came up. "Why would Sammie lie?" Besides the possibility of Sammie not being loud enough when she knocked once, I told Marie that Sammie and I had a falling out several months ago. Due to the fact that our stories are on complete opposite sides of the spectrum and our falling out Marie and Will have scheduled a mediation between Sammie and me for either tomorrow or Friday.

At first I was gung-ho and wanting to have the mediation. After further thought though, I'm concerned about the mediation. I was talking to a couple coworkers about it and in their words they said they'd love to be a couple cockroaches in the room. They also said this was going to be the fight of the century. I couldn't agree more. I'm afraid the mediation could make matters worse for us. I'm concerned with how they plan to mediate Feb. 16. In my mind I keep seeing us going back and forth calling each other liars. I don't see Sammie admitting to lying and I'm telling the truth. I'm also concerned that Marie and Will could take a side on the story. They may think there is no reason for Sammie to lie and so she is telling the truth. I personally don't see her as this poor innocent person she portrays herself to be. I'm hoping to be wrong on this but I just have that gut feeling.

My other issue with the mediation is I don't want my dirty laundry hanging out there. I don't want our personal reasons for having our falling out to be talked about in front of Will and Marie. I also don't want to discuss the problems I wanted to discuss with Sallied in private that she was so unwilling to talk about before. I'm over them. It's all in the past and I want to keep it there. I don't like Sammie, more so now than before and the mediation isn't going to change that. I don't have a problem with the way we work together now. We avoid each other and only talk when necessary. If this mediation isn't done right, its not going to make matters better; its going to make matters worse. I hope Marie and Will know what they are getting into because we are two of the most stubborn people working there and this mediation is going to go poorly, regardless of whether it is done diplomatically or not. I'm dreading the next couple days as im not sure if this is happening tomorrow or Friday... and tomorrow will be the first time I see her since her lie.

Only Time Will Tell

Only time will tell... a phrase I used six months ago pertaining to mine and Sammie's friendship. Time has told its story. Looking back at that blog post I think I sensed something. In mid-December Sammie and I began our falling out. I got mad over a petty issue and with the help of Sammie's words the issue got blown into a friendship ending issue. I was mad at her and Alissa. I didn't want to talk about it then in case I said something I may regret in the future. Sammie informed me I didn't care for her or respect her. she said if I didn't tell her what was wrong I was jeopardizing our friendship. In her mind, the incident was friendship ending; in mine it was her words.

In the weeks that followed, I attempted to talk to her about our differences but she had no interest in hearing it. Since then her and I haven't talked. It still bothers me that we have let such a thing ruin our friendship, but as noticeable in my July post, I think it was coming down the pike. I tried on multiple times to get her to talk about our issues but she has been unwilling. We threw it all away. I still wished we could've mended our friendship, but its dead and there is no chance of revival on either of our parts.

You see, last week she talked to a resident that requested to tall to her. I was playing on the computer when she started to talk to a resident. I heard her tell the resident to return to their room. I looked back and saw he wouldn't. I started watching them until he did return to the room. According to Sammie I never paid attention and was too busy on the computer. a completely false allegation. I am now having to defend myself and show I didn't do what she is saying. An uphill battle. I was blind sided today when I got called in the office. I couldn't even remember what they were talking about. Not until to went back to work did I realize what event it was. I have a meeting with Marie and Will to hopefully clear my name. I have to say I am shocked Sallied would stoop to that level but it truly shows we will never mend our differences. this really saddens me. I just hope I don't have to watch every little thing I do now out of fear that Sammie will lie to get me written up or fired. I expected more out of her, even as we were not on speaking terms.

2010 Resolutions

I can't believe I am saying this, but MTV has finally come out with a decent show that is actually worth watching... I will admit I have a guilty pleasure in the Real World, but the Buried Life is the show I am talking about. I'm not going to get into the premise of the show here, but the show has really made me evaluate my life and how I would like to live my life as though today is my last day on Earth. I want to live with no regrets. I've held myself back so much in life and I am ready to really live my life how I was meant to.

The majority of my friends would probably tell you I am a passive-aggressive person. As things have unfolded the last month or so of my life, I have realized how much passive people irritate and annoy me. I have realized it is actually a pet peeve of mine for another to be passive or passive-aggressive towards me. If that's a pet peeve of mine, how can I allow myself to be passive or passive-agressive any longer? As a result of my realization, I have taken a more active stance in my relationships and started to build a backbone for myself. Another issue I am beginning to see in myself is I don't allow my friends to be passive or passive-aggressive with me anymore. If they have a problem with me, I want to hear it. On the flip side, I'm going to let someone know when they've done something that doesn't make me happy. I don't want to let it sit and simmer. I've been at this for a couple weeks now and I think it is improving my life and making it much less hectic and stressful.

I think something that is almost synonymous to not being passive and passive-aggressive anymore is to not allow people to walk on me as much as they have been in the past. I've always stood up for myself when it was necessary, but I allowed the not so large things to just go by. I would give people an inch and they would take a mile when it came to things. If I give an inch to someone I expect them to take an inch and nothing more... don't expect me to do things automatically. This has been more of a challenge for me. It's so easy to just walk away, it's hard to confront the issue.. especially when your emotions are so wrapped up in that moment. This will be a bit more of a ride this year, but I'm ready for it!

2010 is a new year. I did pretty well on my 2009 new years resolutions and I hope to do even better in 2010. It will be a roller coaster ride for sure.